LOST HEROES

The third series of Heroes is just dull; we are so bored and confused by the stories. They have tried to stretch out the characters too far, and the plot got tooo thin to keep our attention. We just want it to finish so that we can give Lost our full attention. I saw a colleague popping series one of this Island based drama into his bag at work, I asked him if I could borrow it for a week. Me and me girl ploughed through these shows as Czech television is a poor man’s rip off of the worst British trashy shows. He told me that he had just got it back after a two year loan to someone else (don't get me started on people like that) Oh yes we like Lost, we have just finished the second season in one week. It's great to know that there are three more series to catch up on. We saw nothing of it when it was on the television and can't watch theses shows with a one-week break between each episode. If you can live without following the lemmings that must know everything about a show before it airs you have a very sad life. But hey look at me with my smug grin now picking these DVDs out of the bargain bin, just a few years to late. Now we can enjoy fresh new drama without the hype surrounding it. But at this speed what shall we watch next, any ideas?

DON'T BREAK MY STUFF

Often things I take really good care of are damaged by other people who sometimes feel no remorse about what they have done. Whether it was my shiny new Walkman or my un-scratched car it always seems to be someone else that does it. I take good care of all my stuff and am surprised when I see people handling things roughly that don't belong to them. The problem I think comes down to me needing an excuse to buy the latest version and almost justifying it when my last one gets slightly damaged. There is a tiny chip out of the bottom corner of my iPod, it's tiny but I still want to replace it with the latest model. My computer screen has a chip in it from a grain of sand that was crushed in there, mmm upgrade? The same day the computer got damaged a dog ate my Ray Bans and my new watch just stopped. The watch took five months to repair and the glasses needed just new lenses take three months. Last week on my new camera's first day out, a large dog tried to jump and snatch it, mistaking it for a stick. The slobber came off and the damage was minor but please, it was it's first day.

LAST ONE AT JESSOPS

The camera shop Jessops is always the first port of call when I'm looking for a new camera. Sadly their stock is generally lower than most of their staff's IQ. Over the years the items I have or have tried to purchase have always been the last one in stock. It is like they only ever get one of everything and pop it on display. I don't mind an ex display but would prefer a new one, especially when the item is quite expensive. Trying to knock down the price because of the shop soiling never seems to work, and my bluff of just leaving the shop sometimes works. The alternative is a massive shop here in Prague selling cameras old and new, but the difference being that the new ones are all on the top floor and the second hand and nearly new are on the ground floor. It's great to have a defining line between new and old; sadly it is all just a little more expensive than Jessops.

CELEBRITY VIRUS?

What if there was a particular virus that only affected celebrities? Who would report on it? It would certainly change the smug face of television as we know it. Sadly it would halt any current and future film productions which would put me out of a job. I guess I'd turn my hand to something different and low key to avoid bringing unwanted attention to myself. You could hide from the disease if you weren't recognized. But it would put a stop to any sort of celebrity farewell parties, except the vindictive ones. This particular strain of the virus could be quite sensitive only picking off people who are in the lime-light, not older retired celebs in their twilight years. It would be unfair to pick off the ones who have hung up their robes. Just those 'celebs' who do nothing and have never done anything, we don't need them. As usual my attention is mainly aimed at the big brother wannabees. If they have made nothing of their one and only chance, the virus should strike there first,bring on the unadvertised panic.

MOLLY SUGDEN

Was it just me or was I the only person fascinated with the colour of Mrs. Slocombe's hair. Are you being served was the highlight of the week for me when I was growing up until 'allo 'allo came along and filled my void (ooh er) Looking back I can't believe that my parents didn't point out how rude these shows were. They wouldn't let me watch Spitting Image or The Young Ones because of the violence and bad language, but I think these other shows affected me more. I do enjoy comedy violence, and have an absurd fascination with innuendoes so all these shows worked for me. For example just writing this I have only just realized that it was Mrs. Slow Cum, I sort of understood her pussy jokes but this has knocked it up a gear for me. I guess I was too young and was entertained by the ever-changing colour of an old lady's hair. Actually that still seems to keep me amused in my adulthood too.

ANIMAL ATTRACTION

Is there a law against punching a German sheppard in the face till it shits it's own teeth? I'm pretty sure there is some political correctness gone mad/health and safety legislation against that. I have a real connection with most animals and often surprise people who's pets are "never that friendly towards strangers" it even surprises myself sometimes and often am quite frightened of some larger dogs. I couldn't have a dog myself as the picking up of hot shit turns my stomach even as I type this. This is a problem but not the biggest problem. My beef is in the area of food preparation while in the company of dogs. It should never go hand in paw, but sadly it quashes my appetite quicker that a hot turd any day. Just a large slobbering dog covered in it's own filth tying to get a lick or massive bite out of my food. Often it doesn't affect other people around me but I find it very uncomfortable. German sheppards seem to be the biggest offenders with their massive teeth chomping at me 'playfully?' or just their massive pink tongues lolling around making contact with everything within a three-foot radius. I once had a Alsatian finish off my lunch in a pub while the owner just smiled and said he loved caesar salad, ok but so do I and now it is covered in dog breath and shit so he can finish it. It's not ok for owners to let that happen, but also sadly not ok for me to punch their pet in the throat, shame.

NUTTY MAGNET

Why do I still attract nutters? Maybe the fact that I often travel by myself, some people feel the need to state the bleeding obvious. " That’s a lot of luggage, are you going somewhere? "etc. It's like the standard quip that those sad people come out with while you are washing your car by hand, "you can do mine if you like, ha ha" tossers. Yes I'm going to the airport so fuck off, please don't talk to me. I found a tenner in the road yesterday and I still happy about that. It is a skill that I have, I think I can smell lost or dropped money as I am always finding cash. There was a very impatient man today sitting next to me who was really keen to be my bus buddy. He was harmless and I was still playing cool, trying not to engage him too much. Suddenly he remarked on the sexiness of a strange girls feet as if he knew anything about me, this was my cut off point as I really wasn't in the mood for a general letch with a strange bloke